Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
