Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
