I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
