so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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