Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
