Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
