She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I donβt think anyone caught on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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