brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
