Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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