I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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