3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize