my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
