I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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