if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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