dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
