trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
