I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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