We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
