I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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