He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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