i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
