your room smells of hookers.
And success
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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