Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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