You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
