Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
