sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
