Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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