You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
