My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i came on her dog
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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