From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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