I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
