I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
