I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
