You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
