Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
