Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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