i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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