i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
