dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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