He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Boobs speak an international language.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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