if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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