he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
