so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
