That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
