Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
