I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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