I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
