he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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