I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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