i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she peed on how many people?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
