i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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