So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
