It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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