What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
