Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
