i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
