It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
