my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
