I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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