I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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