i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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