I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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